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To my surprise, Edith was the maid of honor and she kinda looked like the bride with a few differences.

‘Probably related or something similar…’

On the other hand, the groom and the best man were unfamiliar to me but the numbers 3 and 5 could be clearly seen even from wearing their suits, and the look of annoyance on Quinn’s face could be assumed as such.

At this point, it would only be fair to use my judgemental self on the ‘priest’ that was also brought up, but the way he was jacked could already mean a lot of things. He could’ve been just a regular old priest fond of gyms, an entertainer dressing up to do a role, or whatever the fucking reason it was— I was still confused as to what was happening.

He could be hiding a double-barreled shotgun or a bowie machete under his robes, we’ll never fucking know.

With that said, Mr. Cuervo had the courtesy to offer me a clean piece of cloth to somehow tidy myself but it wasn’t enough to go around all of the participants. Well, I’m still a boy scout if anything so the look of shock when they saw me pull out a pack of wet wipes from one of my pockets was fucking priceless.

I even pulled out an extra pair of gloves to replace my bloodied one but the rest of my gear needed some cleanup.

‘Later… this should do for now…’

Right this moment, the music slowly died down until it could almost be unnoticeable and the priest cleared his throat to give his opening statement.

“Yo. Ah— FUCK! Let me start again— Ahem! Ahem!”

I was fucking dead.

This part was the most fucking difficult thing I went through, and I didn’t know keeping a straight fucking face would take everything from me. Even Mr. Cuervo had to fake-cough and turn away for a moment to compose himself. However, Quinn was just dying-laughing with Tatiana while Number 24 was trying— trying to do something to stop the two but utterly failing.

But after a short exchange of murderous glances and “I don’t care what the fuck you think” stares, the ‘ceremony’ continued.

“A-Ahem… My friends, my colleagues, my brethren… Tonight… Tonight is a good night to celebrate. We thank you and welcome you for being present on this joyous occasion— the occasion where not only two people will become one but two families being together. Tonight, with the stars and everyone as their witness, Mauro, and Elsa—from the De Leon and the Rivas Family—will be married as one.”

“This ceremony, this occasion, this… rite, this sacrament is a significant part from all walks of life and even in this time when everything had changed, being able to take part and most importantly, be the pair to share the love they have and show it to all of this people is something truly beautiful… fascinating… admirable— and being the one in front of you two to make it happen is truly… truly a blessing…”

Even after those words, the ‘Yo.’ earlier was still fresh on my mind and it just added to the list of things of what I think this priest’s real occupation was. But despite that, he was starting to look more and more like the real thing because his acting was on point and I could spot a few people from the viewing platforms that were starting to bawl their eyes out.

However, this priest still had some gangbanger inside him, whatever we may call it.

“Before I forgot, if any of you here have some objections, you should’ve given the challenge before this shit started or you’d be gunned down at any point that you try to interfere with this sacred occasion. Get me? Yeah? So don’t have any ideas or I’ll pop the trunk o’ my car and I’ll— you know what I mean.”

“…”

“A-Anyway, Mauro… Edith… I just have a few questions to ask you… Despite all the rumors and the whispers, have the two of you come to offer yourselves to each other, freely, and without reservation?”

“We do.”

“We do.”

“You guys for real now? You’d let her drive your Maserati and you’d let him touch your kitchen knives?”

“Of, course. We do.”

“W-We do—”

“Aha! Did you just fucking hesitate?!”

“N-No! I was just surprised, that’s all! I swear!”

“Mm-Hmm~”

“T-Trust me! I swear I’ll let her use my ride! I promise!”

“If you say so~ Onto the next question… Will you love and honor— This is too basic, aside from loving and honoring each other, will you two keep it chill? Except for you-know-where, of course.”

“We will.”

“We will,” Elsa answered a second later and she was still smiling though she was starting to release some hostile aura.

“Good! For the last one, will both of you continue to honor our traditions, teach your future children our ways, continue to be an asset to our families, and be the start of something strong and beautiful? With everyone here standing witness, what say you two?”

This time, the two smiled at each other first before they answered, “Fuck yeah! Of course, we will!”

“Good! GOOD! Before you put on these rings, do you have something to say to each other?”

Mauro cleared his throat before he spoke up and turned to his soon-to-be wife, “Elsa Rivas, I, Mauro De Leon, take you as my wife. I really do promise that I’ll let you drive my Maserati but do remember you crashed it last time and it would be difficult to acquire spare parts now. Nevertheless, if it weren’t for that crash, we wouldn’t spend so much time together in the hospital because that simple drive led to this happening. Well, we almost caused a gang war but it’s all good now, right? Anyway, I promise to be as chill as much as I possibly could but the only thing I’ll make sure of is I’ll ride you as much as I ride my cars and I’ll make sure that you’re always in tip-top shape!”

As soon as he said that, cheers and laughs erupted but it eventually quieted down when it was Elsa’s turn.

“You’re fucking stupid, aren’t you? Well, that’s what I like about you sometimes. To clear out the crash, it’s not entirely my fault, I shouldn’t even be driving because I was wearing high heels but this idiot kept slowing down and catching these monsters on his phone and he made me drive faster because we might miss this ultra-rare one he didn’t even catch! Anyway, I digress… I, Elsa Rivas, really soon-to-be Elsa Rivas-De Leon, solemnly swear that I’ll love you and honor you with all my heart but if you ever say that my cooking is bad, I’ll serve you to our guests, okay? Also, I’ll let you touch my knives but if you ever break them in any way, I’ll chop your dick off, capiche?”

At this point, their exchange of vows wasn’t anything like I had ever seen but it was the most entertaining exchange out of all the weddings I’ve been part of. There was none of this uncomfortable formalness that existed in each one and it was like what everyone around us—except for the hundreds of corpses—was like, being around family.

After that, the priest gave his generic but quirky response as the witness to the exchange of vows, and it soon came to the exchange of rings.

This part went on as what it should normally, but right after they put it on, Mauro took the knife from the velvet case before he cut his finger.

The cut wasn’t deep enough to cause a serious injury, but it was enough to draw blood and use it to sign the papers brought up to them. With that said, Elsa did the same thing as well but as soon as they signed the binding papers, they brought their fingers next to each other, as if performing a blood pact.

From my point of view, it was just one way to somehow get an infection but I guess it was more of a symbol than anything.

Right when they joined their fingers like in E.T., cheers and applause resounded but it went even wilder when the groom finally kissed the bride. I couldn’t even hear the priest’s prompt to do it but right now, something more than a normal kiss was happening. They were on each other like no one was watching them but it seemed we were forgetting something very, very~ important.